Questionnaires

©01 the media desk

            The Desk just answered another one. Don't ask why.

            Last week's was from somebody keeping track of people who post rabid comments on the ABC Sports web site and are dumb enough to leave their email behind. This one is from somebody looking to update the world on what has happened to people that actually graduated from Danville High School.

            OK. No harm done.

            They want to know have you ever been skinny dipping, which music you listen to, about pets, favorite subject, ice cream, and hobbies. The Desk didn't share any State Secrets with them, but it did change some of the questions to fit, then answered them, instead of ice cream flavor, it listed Brand of Bourbon.

            But it does raise an interesting thought.

            Can you actually learn ANYTHING worthwhile about a person you have never met, or at least haven't seen in a dozen years, with silly questions on a questionnaire?

            It didn't ask about political stance. It didn't go into the condition of your current marriage, it didn't ask for a copy of last year's 1040, and it did not bother to request a paragraph detailing the respondent's personal philosophy of life.

            Maybe they didn't want a book. To fully answer the above, in the Desk's case, would take a book. Just for the political angle. Not to mention the philosophical statement, that would turn into a sermon [or a series of articles like Dancing in the Sight of the Lord see Dancing 1]. As for the marriage, just fine thank you... the tax paper, "You got a Subpoena?"

            What does favorite movie tell you about anybody? This week, it's 'Fiddler on the Roof', maybe next week it'll be 'Down Periscope', it used to be 'The Longest Day'.

            Most of these things ask you what TV show you like, the Desk always answer 'Sports'. If they get into sit-coms: 'C-Span'.

            But there are people, the Desk knows some, that take these things seriously, and fret and stew about the answers, they make sure they really do like fried chicken more than BBQ. They will count the times they stopped at Texaco over Shell. They make lists of how many loads of laundry they do. Dodge or Chevy? It'll give them a fit because they drive a Ford.

            The Desk doesn't take job applications seriously, so how serious should it take a questionnaire from a credit card company? It spent more time answering the High School one than it did one from Delaware's Congressman. The Desk loves it when the USA Today calls and asks what it thinks of the stock market. It goes into great detail about how it is a plot by space aliens who are channeling Jim Morrison in an attempt to bring back the Dumont TV network as a mind control device so they can take over Canada.

            So come on. If you have one or more nutcases like the Desk and put their answers into the mix, how reliable is your survey? If you throw it out, how do you judge who is sincere and really cares enough to send the very best and who just answered the way they felt you wanted them too? If you discard them, you are biasing your own survey. There are people out there who seriously believe the Republican Party once had Jesus on its rolls and will tell you with a straight face it was the party of George Washington. You can't discount them. It's scary, but they vote, and pay taxes, and watch TV, and wear clean underwear in case they are in an accident. And then there are the ones who vote 'NO' for Governor, pay taxes only because they don't like jailhouse food, watch TV for the NCAA tourney and turn off when it's over, and wear underwear when they can find them before leaving for work. Does the Desk's opinion in the survey count equally?

            But, as it tells everybody who will listen...

Selah