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©03 The Media Desk
A friend of the Desk is all enthused about Web dating
services. He has been out on several dates with women who seemed to have picked him out of a lineup of the most eligible bachelors on the East Coast.
OK. Great. Wonderful for him. Right? "Of course right."
While the Desk is not ready to go out on a date or social anything with almost anybody anytime soon in something remotely like a serious way, it thought it would at least look at a few of them and see what all the hype was about.
So over the weekend it picked eHarmony.com and a couple of other 'Singles Listings'. Then for no particular reason it spent several hours over the course of about three days filling out eHarmony's 'twenty minute profile'. Then it signed up, under various alias's with the
This is an overview of those efforts.
eHarmony.com is based upon a complex matching system developed through extensive testing of married individuals. One of the requirements for it to work successfully is for participants to fall into a rigorously defined "profile".
Unfortunately, you do not fit within this profile. eHarmony's matching system is not suitable for about 20% of potential participants, so 1 in 5 people simply will not benefit from the matching part of the eHarmony site. But there are many more benefits to using eHarmony.
We hope that you understand our regret in our inability to provide our matching service for you at this time. We urge you to participate in our other services such as the eHarmony Community, or take advantage of the opportunity to get to know yourself better through our free personality profile.
If you are receiving this message as a subscriber please contact firstname.lastname@example.org for a refund of your subscription.
So it goes.
[NOTE: The Desk emailed eHarmony for comment, so far, it has not received a reply. ]
It is a very good thing the truth in advertising laws do not apply to singles ads. The Desk was already aware that in personal ads 'full figured woman' means 'fat woman' and 'manly build' means 'fat man'. 'Homebody' is polite for 'couch potato' and 'frugal' is another way to say 'you'll pay for your own drinks'. 'Mature' equals 'old' and 'appearance doesn't matter' means they are uglier than you are.
But in the online world things are even worse. 'Adventuresome' now means 'cross dressing lawyer with trashcan fetish seeks bisexual Eskimo with condo'. When a woman puts in her ad she 'enjoys new experiences' it means she charges by the hour and will send you a picture of her riding crop collection on request.
The Desk was honest. Even to the point of filling out one 'self description' as:
Half crippled ugly perverted drunken old ex sportswriter seeking whatever it can find. Recently widowed. Not ready for commitments yet, just somebody to spend some time with.
And in doing so it violated several of the service's guidelines. You were not supposed to put down negatives about yourself,
mention personal issues or give the impression you were just 'looking'.
Sorry, that is all there is to the Desk's life right now. Negatives, personal issues, and it is just 'looking'.
So what is the Desk's opinions about online dating?
It may be fine for the Desk's friends and those that call the 'sexy chat' lines that are all over the TV at two in the morning... But it ain't for the Desk.
The process of taking our personality inventory will help you clarify your desires -- it lets you know what kind of person you are, and what kind of person you might find compatible! If you choose to go on, we'll make some meaningful matches for you. Maybe you'll find a best friend or even a soul mate.NOTE: So their answer to to have the Desk PAY for the service even though their summary of the Desk's profile admitts 1 person in 5 cannot be matched. All that's missing is OPERATORS ARE STANDING BY!
How do we do it? We match people using 29 key relationship factors in a method proven to work. We've made over one million matches, have enabled thousands of really fun dates and have seen hundreds of matches lead to marriage. eHarmony makes meaningful matches for people just like you.
Visit: http://www.eharmony.com// to complete our personality inventory. We'll show you the results and tell you how you can use them to clarify your wishes. If you want to go further, we will compare your personality with hundreds of thousands of profiles. We'll show you the very best matches, and you don't pay a thing until you're convinced you'd like to get to know someone. When you do, you'll get a free month's service!
[NOTE: the Desk did not PAY for any of the services it describes above. It is not otherwise affiliated with any of them. And it is not sure it would go out with someone it met through one of them if it got the offer anyway. No Defamation of any of the above services is intended. All names and identifying information is trademark of the services listed. Nothing mentioned in this article is an endorsement of any of the services. All questions about said services should be sent to the service's customer service desk, if you can find it. Thank you ]
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