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The Big Game '08

©2008 the media desk

A Super Gonzo article.
[NOTE: In the true spirit of Gonzo Journalism. Most of the below statements, observations and impressions were written on the fly, at the time, and were only edited later for spelling and grammar. Some checking after the fact for accurate spellings of celebrity and corporate names was done. Doc L]

The SEVEN hour pre-game show.
      Sorry. Didn't watch it.
      "Puppy Bowl IV" was on Animal Planet at beginning 1500. It was much better than anything Fox could possibly do.
      Switched to Fox at 1810 or so.

Jordin Sparks singing the anthem
      One of the best ever for the 'Big Game'.
      If American Idol can produce another one of her, we'll forgive them for Taylor Hicks.
      One has to wonder about why the USAF does a formation fly-over of a sporting event being held inside a domed stadium with the roof closed? Oh well.

The Big Game Itself
all written 'on the fly'
      These two teams are the best in the league?

      At halftime commentators announced the highlights will be on exclusively. ... so?

      The only reason they played the second and third quarters was to show commercials. Right?

      The game finally got better than the commercials. OK, Brady can throw the ball 70 yards. He still has a really good arm, shame the receiver dropped it.

      The 1972 Dolphins are still the only perfect team.

      Now, can we get past the 'Tom Brady is the best ever' nonsense? He's good, yes. Great? Maybe. The rest of it? ....

      Moving on.... well, turning on "Puppy Bowl" instead of watching the post game show.

The Refs
      For once, the refs didn't decide the outcome of the game. There were some close calls, but no blatantly BAD CALLS as in the last few.

Halftime show
Question: Of the last four or five Big Game halftime shows (since the scripted and choreographed 'wardrobe malfunction' in 2004)... what's the average age of the headliner been? Paul McCartney at XXXIX, the Stones XL, Prince XLI, and now Tom Petty?
      Of course, nobody wants any of them to 'get naked before this song is over' either.
      Of course it did prove those funny looking old white guys could still play that guitar. And no mistake. No comment about Mr. Petty's singing.
      [Answer- Petty is 57. Sir Paul is now 65 (so subtract a couple years). Sir Mick is 64 now, so is Keith Richards, the other Stones are about the same age. Prince is 49. Which would make the average about 60 depending on how many Stones you use.]

The Commercials.

      The Best were very good. Pigeon Delivery. The 'Rocky' Clydesdale. Whatever Glondor was selling. And of course Naomi Campbell's legs were in a class by themselves.

      While the worst of the night were right up there with the farting horse from a couple of years ago as some of the worst ever. A puking baby selling stock? Do we need that? While several went above and beyond the call of duty to offend foreigners or degrade men. See Desk article on that subject written BEFORE the Big Game: TV Producers HATE men.

      The best of the worst was when Justin Timberlake gets hit in the groin by a mailbox post. That was almost enough to make us forgive him for the halftime show a few years ago.

      Others were of the "What were they thinking?" variety. Like the jibberish speaking stain for Tide. And for some reason Toyota thinks that a guy being attacked by badgers while in the car will sell their cars.
      In this category the line "Bud Light- Suck One" says it all.

      Which makes an interesting point. Anheuser-Busch had a major hit with their first commercial of the night, the 'Rocky' Clydesdale, then they had to come out with a gay guy that says there is sweat in every bottle? No thank you.

[NOTE: All impressions were written either while the commercials were on, or immediately afterward. None were watched online except for the 'goDaddy' one which had to be. Some corporate and celebrity names were looked up to ensure correct spelling, formatting done later. Ads are in broadcast order. If the Desk missed a few.... sorry about that. Doc L ]

First Half Commercials

Ford Truck- centrifuge and this proves what? Isn't Toyota the one that abuses their trucks for fun and profit? Ford must be in real trouble.

Audi- Godfather ripoff, looked like he was covered in poop

Pepsi max- "is there a chiropractor in the house?" if drinking this does that to your neck, no thanks, buy Coke offensive Indian stereotype cartoon

Bud Light- wine and cheese party clever and non-offensive

Underarmour- cartoonish "what are they selling?"

Bridgestone- squirrel, screaming, 'Geiko' ripoff

Doritos and Itunes- 'message from heart' singer Kina Grannis, well, OK, and?

Nissan Murano crossover- techie car, really not much of a commercial

Gatorade G2- dumb. Really. Just Dumb

goDaddy- Danica Patrick; exposure commercial online. A commercial for a commercial?

[The Online Ad: If Fox rejected the commercial it was because goDaddy told them to.
In the ad they had the comment "no live beavers were used in the filming of "Exposure", mostly because they are nasty and bite like hell"- maybe they should have used the critters.
NOTE: While the Desk has never had any respect for goDaddy, it used to have some for Ms. Patrick.]

Dell red- 'buttslap happy' sells computers?

Fedex- Pigeons. Cute [runner up, best of night] fighting for business. Glondor was the best part

Tide- Talking Stain 'Jibberish' "What Were They Thinking?"

Budweiser- Hank, the Dalmatian. "Rocky theme" what else do you need? [Best of the night]

Toyota Corolla- Badgers will gnaw his face off (makes us want to buy it how?)

Garman- Napoleon, just Stupid

Careerbuilder- follow your heart, Offensively stupid

Sobe, LifeWater- 'Thriller', Naomi Campbell was awesome, cute lizards. and they were selling what?
[Special award category, Best Legs in Super Bowl Ad, Ms Campbell beat out both the Clydesdale and Richard Simmons.]

BeAntiDrug- drug dealer with no business, really over the top

Yukon GMC hybrid- 'Why? cartoon' sounded like John Edwards in a debate.

Bud Light- Foreigners offensive stereotypes return

Planters- Guys are stupid around women.... or peanuts?

T-Mobile- Barkley and Dwayne. Annoying.

NFL United Way.

Pepsi- Justin Timberlake commercial was 'childish and immature'. guy even got hit in the groin

Doritos- mousetrap, mouse revenge. Which makes us want to......??????

Movies: 'wanted' (bullets can't do that, sorry), Marvel 'Iron Man' (?another ruined classic comic?), 'Leatherheads' (men are stupid again), Disney's 'Narnia' sequel.

Commercial for the new show or Geico? cave men - Geico ad.

Fox shows 'Terminator', 'House', 'unhitched' (a new low for stupidity), American Idol. (all a couple of times)

Second Half the commercials go downhill fast.

Claritin- no fog, we get it... when is Daytona? Plan B, witch doctor. Again with the foreigners Cartoon foreigners one more time (this time they're pandas, but still Chinese)

VitaminWater- Shaq as a jockey. Kid picking nose. oh by the way, interfering with another jockey is a foul, and Shaq would be disqualified.

Bud Light- cave men, at least they're not selling car insurance.

Ice Cube gum- Carmen Electra says 'whoa'. Once again, guys are stupid in the presence of good looking women.

Bridgestone- Alice Cooper hitch hiking, nice touch. and for the record Richard Simmons makes us all scream in terror. Jimminy Cricket reincarnated as a singing firefly, oh please

Hyundai Genesis- a 'don't but this product' ad

E*Trade ANOTHER TALKING BABY.... that pukes.... terrific [Winner- worst commercial] eTrade should be ashamed to have their name on that one. Maybe the baby ate at that 'Q' sandwich place where the other talking baby worked.

BudLight- will NOT make you fly. Damn.

NFL- Chester Pitts and his oboe. Human interest stuff.

Ford lease- standard spot with overblown audio

Comcast HD- being overwhelmingly loud, as usual.

Jeep- GPS. the point being that Jeep DOESN'T listen (lower the price!)

Sunsilk- Girls that sing wash their hair too. did anybody in the commerical EVER use the product?

Coke- balloon fight, clever, happy ending... Charlie Brown wins one! (Top 5 for night)

Coke- politics James Carville and Bill Frist. Flashback to 'I want teach the world to sing'. Charlie Brown was better.

Toyota Sequoia- "Mongoose flies"... Selling cars or 'Big Wheels'?

E*Trade- Talking baby, AGAIN. Clowns are creepy.... we knew that.

Taco Bell- fiesta platter. The guitar player still gets the girl, no matter what you eat for lunch.

Gatorade- drinking dog "what were they thinking?"

Bud Light- 'Jackie Moon' "Bud Light- Suck One". Begs for a boycott: "Buy Old Milwaukee". If it weren't for the puking baby, this would be the worst of the night.

Hyundai Genesis- another 'don't buy this product' commercial.

Victoria's Secret- Adriana Lima in lingerie is a good thing. What are they selling? Who cares?

Amp drink- Jumper cables on nipples guy. If it weren't for the puking baby, this would be the worst of the night.

Movies: 'Semi-Pro' (asininely stupid, that word really describes movies like that one), 'jumper', '...Zohan' (another asinine movie)

Disney/Pixar- Toy Story characters selling WallE ... Seemed to be a vacuum cleaner commercial. which characters are in the movie? Misses by Disney ads are rare, but this was one.

Foxshows: 'terminator' (several times), 'NASCAR', NFL Pro Bowl, House (couple of times), 'Moment of Truth' (or how to end your life in 30 minutes on TV), 'American Idol' (couple times)


The Big Game article from 2006
[NOTE: The words "Super Bowl" are jealously guarded by the NFL and their busloads of lawyers.
      All other trademarks, brand names, and everything else are copyright by their owners. The Desk is in no way affiliated with any of them. No undue infringement is implied in this piece of entertainment and informational writing. thank you ]

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