©02 The Media Desk

Crazy Rankings as defined by The Media Desk

• Dull: Most people. They steer a wide berth around anything unusual or offbeat. AlGore comes to mind.

• Barely Crazy: Occasionally, but not often, does something a bit off center. May own a light up tie or a pair of earrings that look like flamingoes.

• Kinda Crazy: Can be counted on for at least one episode of silliness once a month or so.

• Bad Crazy: Dangerous and risky behavior that is uncalled for. Drugs and excessive alcohol is part of this scene. Some extreme sports may land here. Naked hang-gliding through a car wash while on fire is one. So would be shooting the bird to the Hell's Angels. It is not fun, it's stupid.

• Fancy Crazy: Is really a mundane person in a dull world (or is that dull person in the mundane world?) but has time and money to spend on weirdness. Most Philadelphia Mummers fall into this category. So do people that take their cat for psychotherapy.

• Amateur Crazy: Really tries, sometimes once a week or more. But doesn't follow through to the next level. They believe restraint is a virtue.

• Apprentice Crazy: Still working on living the total lifestyle of insanity. There is hope for them, they just need time and practice under the mentorship of somebody at one of the next two levels.

• Journeyman (person) Crazy: More often than not, they are somewhere in left field heading for the fence with direction and purpose. Most of their outlook is bent, the majority of their answers off-key. They hear voices, and the voices are telling them 'reality sucks find another alternative.' To this person a morning at DMV waiting in line is a case study of what NOT to be like when you grow up.

• Professional Crazy: This person is the voice the Journeyman is hearing. They have checked out and are waiting at the bus stop. They can seriously discuss the fact that no self-respecting intelligent space alien would even stop here to borrow the bathroom, let alone contact us. No situation, no circumstance, is so serious that it can't either be ignored or made fun of.

• The Desk or Beyond Crazy!: Wrote the list. This is the person your grandmother told you those stories about. Seldom sees a woman's clothes, never met a bottle of bourbon it didn't like, called a sitting president 'Bill the Lecher' in print and sent a copy to the White House Press office when it applied for White House Press Credentials. Not only believes in aliens and ghosts and THEM, it knows several. This person prides itself in being able to twist reality to fit its needs of the moment and considers the real world an inconvenience that must be dealt with but should be ignored. Insanity is our last best defense against the Universe at large. Nothing is off limits or off the record, but since it can't tell reality from a farce, it doesn't matter.

  Quotes:
  • There is nobody in the room but me and God, and I'm not too sure about me.
  • Been there, done that, posted bail, am writing the book.
  • Relax, things are worse than you can possibly imagine.
  • At what point in this conversation do you want me to start caring?
  • I know it's not politically correct, but I still like women.
  • New Jersey is Proof that GOD has a fine sense of the Absurd.
  • After listening to lawyers and accountants I am starting to believe in evolution.
  • I don't hear wind and rain and thunder and lightning, I hear... Music.
  • You're a flat broke ugly man, you don't have any whisky, cigars or chicken wings with you, and you talk too much... why should I pay attention to you?

selah