The Highs and Lows of Working for the State

-or-

Fear and Loathing around the Coffee Pot

©00 The Media Desk

     Recently the Desk has been exchanging emails with several people who are either State Employees, or want to be. And a theme has emerged.

    Now the Media Desk is an expert in two kinds of State Jobs. Both the lowest possible rung on the ladder, and the top. Both types of Job Satisfaction, good and bad, well, a good job and beyond bad to a sheer teeth grinding hemorrhoid raising twist your guts in a knot then do the limbo under a cockroach gawd-awful job.

    The Desk spent ten years in what is widely regarded as, if not the absolute worst job, an easy top three finalist, and now has what it considers the perfect job for the Desk.

    So Commentary is called for on this subject. OK, it's uncalled for, but here it is anyway.

How to Recognize a Good State Job versus a Bad One.
Note: Pay is not mentioned as part of the definition for obvious reasons.

The desk has been told that this list can be made to apply to almost any employment. So, if you wish, drop the word 'state' from the following and apply it to where you work.

• You may have a Good State Job if you look forward to coming to work.
  You may have a Bad State Job if you look for reasons to call off.

• Good- You can hold a conversation with your co-workers for more than two minutes without saying several of the 'seven dirty words'.
  Bad- The 'seven dirty words' are used as 'Good Morning'.

• Good- Meeting a co-worker in the parking lot results in a laugh and a smile.
  Bad- Meeting a co-worker in the parking lot results in punches and kicks.

• Good- People pass around the envelope to hold a party for someone who is leaving.
  Bad- People pass around the envelope to hold a party for someone who was found 'not-guilty'.

• Good- The phone rings and you wonder if its for you.
  Bad- The phone rings and you unplug it.

• Good- Disciplinary action is recognized as an actual attempt to improve performance.
  Bad- Disciplinary action is recognized as an attempt to get three days off.

• Good- A Union Activist comes around and can't raise a crowd even offering free coffee and donuts.
  Bad- A Union Activist comes around and has to fight through four other Union Activists to get to you.

• Good- You fill out your performance evaluation and chuckle at an inside joke.
  Bad- You fill out your performance evaluation six months late and only under the threat that the boss is holding your vacation request hostage and include in the comments that your chuckle-head boss is an inside joke.

• Good- Somebody comes around and asks you for serious but confidential advice on working the copier.
  Bad- Somebody comes around and asks for confidential advice on beating a serious write up.

• Good- You read in the paper about somebody that committed six felonies and got sent to jail.
  Bad- You read in the paper about somebody that committed six felonies and is your relief today.

• Good- Several of the people you work with are attractive and intelligent and seem to enjoy talking to you.
  Bad- You are the most attractive and intelligent person in the whole place, but everybody still talks to you.

• Good- They come around to tell you the server is down.
  Bad- They come around to tell you the dealer is down.

• Good- Having bad breath is considered a major social crime.
  Bad- Having bad breath is the least of your problems.

• Good- After a year the only fight you've even heard of was when Earl lost a quarter in the soda machine.
  Bad- Today's fight was over a quarter's worth of soda.

• Good- Somebody mentions 'The Tempest' and another person talks at length about Shakespeare's personal philosophy and then recites that play's closing speech complete with correct emphasis.
  Bad- Somebody mentions Madonna and another person talks at length about her [obscenity deleted] on stage at a concert they attended and then they act it out complete with sound effects for emphasis.

• Good- A person that used to work here stops by to say 'hi' and show off pictures of their last trip to Mexico.
  Bad- A person that is supposed to still work here sends pictures of their jail cell in Mexico.

• Good- You never know what sort of interesting conversation will occur around the coffee pot.
  Bad- You never know what sort of interesting conversation piece will be floating in the coffee pot.

• Good- The boss comes around to show off the new tie he's wearing.
  Bad- The boss comes around to show off the new tattoo on his... whatever.

• Good- You call off work because you have the flu, they tell you to get well soon.
  Bad- You call off because you have the flu, they don't believe you and order you to come in anyway.

• Good- At the end of the year you reflect on your accomplishments and look forward to new challenges.
  Bad- At the end of the year you wonder why in Hell you still work here and look forward to quitting.

• Good- One of your friends mentions they are trying to get a job here and you spend an hour telling them how great it is and they can use you for a reference.
  Bad- One of your friends mentions they are trying to get a job here and you spend an hour talking them out of it and threaten if they use you as a reference you'll sue them.

• You may have a Good State Job if you read this list and laughed at the Bad items.
  You may have a Bad State Job if you read this list and said most of them have happened where you work.
  

Selah