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My Fellow American SPAM

©04 the media desk

For reasons best left undiscussed the Desk forwarded some SPAM to the White House.

The Automated Response is below.

What the Desk sent to W is below that.

Thanks Christi for the opportunity to share what a majority of Americans seem to be feeling about some of our former international friends.

Also see article:"Michael Moore can go to France."

One thing the Desk would add to the SPAM is "Get the US out of the UN and the UN out of the US." But oh well, you can't have everything.

NOTE: The Desk scrambled the President's email address as it is sure he gets plenty of offers for mortgages and diet pills.

Automated response from White House Email Server

Date: Fri, 5 Nov 2004 08:02:28 -0500 (EST)
From: president[-at-]whitehouse[-dot-]gov
Subject: Automated Response

Thank you for e-mailing President Bush. Your ideas and comments are very important to him.

Because of the large volume of e-mail received, the President cannot personally respond to each message. However, the White House staff considers and reports citizen ideas and concerns.

In addition to President[-a-]WhiteHouse[-dot-]gov, we have developed White House Web Mail, an automated e-mail response system. Please access   to submit comments on a specific issue.

Additionally, we welcome you to visit our website for the most up-to-date information on current events and topics of interest to you.

End automated response.

NOTE: The White House Website is
further note: The Media Desk is NOT RESPONSIBLE for content on the White House site, and vise versa

SPAM email which really has a few pretty good ideas in it below.
Some editing was done for readability as it did contain a lot of typos

My Fellow Americans:

As you all know, the defeat of Iraq regime has been completed. Since congress does not want to spend any more money on this war, our mission in Iraq is complete.

This morning I gave the order for a complete removal of all American forces from Iraq. This action will be complete within 30 days. It is now time to begin the reckoning.

Before me, I have two lists. One list contains the names of countries which have stood by our side during the Iraq conflict. This list is short. The United Kingdom, Spain, Bulgaria, Australia, and Poland are some of the countries listed there.

The other list contains everyone not on the first list. Most of the world's nations are on that list. My press secretary will be distributing copies of both lists later this evening.

Let me start by saying that, effective immediately, foreign aid to those nations on List 2 ceases immediately and indefinitely. The money saved during the first year alone will pretty much pay for the costs of the Iraqi war.

The American people are no longer going to pour money into third world Hell-holes and watch those government leaders grow fat on corruption.

Need help with a famine? Wrestling with an epidemic? Call France.

In the future, together with Congress, I will work to redirect this money toward solving the vexing social problems we still have at home.

On that note, a word to terrorist organizations. Screw with us and we will hunt you down and eliminate you and all your friends from the face of the earth. Thirsting for a gutsy country to terrorize? Try France, or maybe China.

To Israel and the Palestinian Authority. "Yo, boys. Work out a peace deal now. Just note that Camp David is closed. Maybe all of you can go to Russia for negotiations. They have some great palaces there. Big tables, too. By the way Palestinians, we are no longer going to restrain Israel!"

I am ordering the immediate severing of diplomatic relations with France, Germany, and Russia Thanks for all your help, comrades.

We are retiring from NATO as well. "Bon chance, mes amis."

I have instructed the Mayor of New York City to begin towing the many UN diplomatic vehicles located in Manhattan with more than two unpaid parking tickets to sites where those vehicles will be stripped, shredded and crushed. I don't care about whatever treaty pertains to this. You creeps have tens of thousands of unpaid tickets. Pay those tickets tomorrow or watch your precious Benzes, Beamers, and limos be turned over to some of the finest chop shops in the world. I love New York.

A special note to our neighbors. Canada is on List 2. Since we are likely to be seeing a lot more of each other, you folks might want to try not pissing us off for a change Mexico! is also on List 2. President Fox and his entire corrupt government really need an attitude adjustment. I will have a couple of extra tank and infantry divisions sitting around. Guess where I am going to put'em? Yep, border security. So start doing something with your oil

Oh, by the way, the United States is abrogating the NAFTA treaty --- starting now. We are sick and tired of the one-way highway.

It is time for America to focus on its own welfare and its own citizens. Some will accuse us of isolationism. I answer them be saying, "dern tootin."

Nearly a century of trying to help folks live a decent life around the world has only earned us the undying enmity of just about everyone on the planet. It is time to eliminate hunger in America. It is time to eliminate homelessness in America. It is time to eliminate World Cup Soccer from America.

To the nations on List 1, a final thought. Thanks guys. We owe you and we won't forget. To the nations on List 2, a final thought. Go to Hell. God bless America. Thank you and good night.

If you can read this, thank a teacher. If you are reading it in English, thank a soldier.

( Please forward this to at least ten friends and see what happens! Let's get this to every computer in the USA!!)

[note:The Desk intended no disrespect to any country except those who see nothing wrong with urinating on the graves of Allied War Dead, or whom go home and hide under their beds the first time they face terrorists.
    further note: the media desk has never voted for a winning presidential candidate although it votes in every election. also the desk is registered as a 'independent conservative libertarian' thank you]

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