A Tale of Two Dorms QUOTES

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These quotes are from the story/soap and are in no wise representative of the plot as a whole. More will be added to it as the Desk edits and re-writes various parts of the work.

The author assumes no responsibility for any mental distress caused.
All he could see by the nightlight was cleavage.
"WEWANNAPIZZA!"
What Dale lacked in willpower, he made up for in kidneys.
"Where in the HELL! have you BEEN?!?!?"
"...nowhere coach..."
"You are seeking answers to questions you do not yet know."
"She is indiscreet with her affections to the extreme."
"To the Happy Couple! Long may they do dirty things in the dark!"
"Married? MARRIED! Jack! Just Say NO!!!"
"BOOZE you worthless brain dead TV addict!"
  "What's he like?"
      "Well, he's tall, dark, and handsome, he's very religious, and he's very intelligent."
      "Sounds wonderful, what's your friend Dale like?"
      "Well, he's the exact opposite."
"I will NOT set myself on fire and hang glide nude through a car wash again!
... it hurts."
"Where's that damned Ralph?"
"Maybe fifty dollars worth of makeup. But not magic."
A throw-it-down-and-do-the-wardance-PARTY!
What I don't know won't hurt you!
"To White Man's Hell with Sociology!"
The players called the policy a few other things. 'Stupid' being the mildest.
This coffee was 'John Wayne hit the beach and sang the old time songs to his rifle' COFFEE!!!
"We beat the motorcade by a good fifteen minutes. I can be drunk before they
even get here."
"Proves what I've said all along. If you've got unlimited bucks, and a little
bit of pull, you can throw a real nice party!"
"Your feet are funny looking."
Wedding cake? Well, maybe. Leaning tower of whitish cake and foam? Yes.
  " 'You taught me your language, and my profit on it is... I know how to curse!
      The red plague rid you, for teaching me your language.' " (from 'the
      Tempest'. Shakespeare)
Mary had every intention of getting naked on her honeymoon.
They went to town, and never left the bed.
Jack wasn't sure what was going on, but he was smart enough to play dumb.
Cindy was considering that sometime in her life she had pissed off the great
and powerful ancient god of indoor plumbing.
"Take off your clothes and stand on this stool."
"Shut up Blimpo!"
"You're a few quarks short yourself!"
  How do you properly express your gratitude to the College of Civil Engineering
      for a bouquet of flowers and a two year subscription to 'Architecture
      Monthly'?
"Interesting works by individuals somewhat lacking in talent and vision."
"Which of your old girlfriends is that smart?"
"Merry Meet. Fellow Breather."
She had to kiss him to get him to shut up.
"Have you ever taught a class before?"
"Oh yeah, several times! Got fired twice and arrested once!"
"Buddy, I'm dumber than hell. Ask anybody!"
"I was worried I'd be the only female in the place. The testosterone would be
overpowering."
"I am not eating Thanksgiving dinner at a table with sneakers and old
newspapers and beer cans and whatever THAT! is all over it!"
Thanksgiving Day at Kremin's parents house was the Cold War revisited.
"We should have the water back on. But there may still be some work to do."
She knew that was a plumbing type phrase for, 'you should live so long.'
"You sorry excuse for an asshole. If you don't leave this girl alone, I won't
call the police. I'll call you an ambulance."
"After you pass out I'll set your clothes on fire."
"Promises, promises." Jimbo said drooling on himself.
They got dirty in the shower, and Ralph's whiskers were still intact.
  "What's your topic?" Bonker asked.
      "Fashion Trends and Changes in Women's Outergarments from 1800 to 1900 in the British Empire." Maggie read off her notebook.
      "Ewwww."
      "I picked the dullest thing I could think of." She smiled.
      "You did good."
Ralph grinned. "A lineup like that is going to require pizza."
  "I thought you didn't like me at first."
      The old hippie smiled. "I didn't like Doctor Harrison. Lumin, I like."
      "But I'm the same guy."
      "No.... Not yet."
"I told you to wait. Now you've gone and almost gotten the max in brain points."
  "Wow Peggy." Dale said. "You look nice."
      Keith seriously considered the possibility that Dale had brain damage.
      "Pssst, Dale." He whispered. "She's gorgeous."
      "Yeah. She's gorgeous."
      Peggy smiled.
"The first thing I'm buying is some new underwear." She smiled to her friend. "I've been wearing the same four pair since the fire."
"eeeewwwwwww. I bet they stink!" Cindy held her nose.
"You're so dedicated it makes me sick."
"Fake-me-out eggs, turkey bacon and low fat cheese on whole wheat. With an orange. Maybe I'm getting used to this stuff." He fished the sandwich out and chewed away as he walked.
  "We can't forget about the door to 320." John said.
      "I don't want to be there if anybody gets that door open. Somebody may have been in there for the last eight months." Betty chuckled.
      John laughed. "I've been wondering what happened to Joe Sessions."
      Betty looked at him seriously for a second. "I hope you are kidding."
"You ain't got enough ass to fill a teacup."
"You got enough to fill a dump truck."
Dale closed his book and got up. He walked like he was going to his own firing squad.
He looked at her, the only thought he had was that he had to kiss her.
He did.
  "OK."
      "Ok what?"
      "All of it. I'll do your projects, I'll switch majors, we'll pose naked for each other at the rifle range. And I'll bring you my first draft of the watercolor. I hated it."
  "I am not convinced she knows everything there is to know like she has claimed. We should evaluate her credentials then decide wh..."
      The lady cut him off with her quiet voice. "I have been teaching, reading, researching, and evaluating history since before your mother had graduated grade school. I have the blessing of the University Senate and the President of this University to teach my classes as I see fit and that includes establishing criteria for final grades. If you doubt my ability, then test me. If you are not capable of presenting me with a history test that will objectively evaluate my ability, then you may at your earliest convenience take a flying leap at a rolling donut."
      She got up and bowed slightly to the dean, then walked out.
      Applause from several of those gathered in the room followed her.
"NOTHING is official yet. I was just considering..." Varscroft was saying.
"Have you maybe considered Suicide?"
By the time five o'clock rolled around they were all in the van heading to Springfield.
"We left ON TIME!" Guy kept saying in disbelief.
Then, just as the PA began to announce 'O Canada' All Hell Broke Loose.
"WHAT IN THE HELL ARE YOU [handsome young men] DOINGOUTTHERE [blasphemy]?!?! " The coach said calmly and with great reverence. "THIS IS THE NEXT [biological function] LEVEL THEY'RE PLAYING AT AND YOU BUNCH OF [many explicatives deleted] ARE FLATFOOTED NINNIES!!!!"
Peggy had a feeling about Dale.
OK, she had a couple of feelings about Dale, but one made sense.
After six months of darkness light dawned across the frozen tundra of the Antarctic wasteland.
He was dismissed as a crackpot when he admitted he wouldn't know a Taoist from a Zenist or an Acupuncturist.
"OK. We'll do it that way. But I'm going to get a copy of your grades and see. If you don't make the cut. I WILL!"
"Yes coach."
"This just isn't my day for keeping my mouth shut is it?"
"Free samples." He grinned. "Wow."
Ralph is, to be blunt; a total slob, a rude crude obnoxious drunken bum. He's also a genius.

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